i can't do it

Well, it seems as though keeping up with two blogs is even more difficult than keeping up with one!

With that said, I posted over on 4years4months and thought I would direct you over there in case you aren't inclined to check.

Hope you enjoy your weekend!

tiffany

www.4months4years.blogspot.com

no need to impress

seven minutes of encouragement that I thought I would pass onto you. 

May this be the prayer of your heart and soul today 

wherever it is that you find yourself. 

Bless you friends!

<><tce

passion ad pursuit: memory lane day 5

I have really enjoyed looking back and re-reading the posts I have written.

Like journals, it is really neat to look back and be blessed (or appalled) by what is recorded on the pages. I have had to laugh a bit as I have come across posts I have written and I can remember the happenings of the day or the swirl of life that surrounded that particular post.

God is so faithful.

Anyway, this is one of my most viewed posts and personally I think it is because I use the words sex and lingerie... ;)

Whatever the reason, I think I am going to read it again and remember the importance of what I wrote.

I pray that your today is blessed and that you will bless others through your today.

pursued.

tiffany

hungry and thirsty: memory lane, day 4

I have to take a moment and tell you how blessed I am.
I have two men in my life that love me completely, every part of me.
They know my flaws and faults better than any other human and yet their love remains the same.
I have learned so much about the love of God and have understood more concretely as a result of these two men.
Thank you Jon and thank you Dad.

I do not say these things for their honor alone.
I say these things because a.) sometimes we need to express our appreciation more and b.) God has blessed us with so much more than we deserve or sometimes are even aware of.

As Christmas approaches, the reality that He has not only blessed me with an incredible dad and husband, but He has blessed me with Himself, is setting in.

In Him lies everything I need.
In my earthly mind set it is easy to forget that.
There are moments that I don't think I could ever survive the loss of one of these blessed people in my life, but when all is said done, when I hunger and thirst for righteousness, He is faithful to fill me--not with anything from this earth that can die or go away, but He is faithful to fill me with the very Person of righteousness--Himself.

As I read through this post looking for what to post today, I felt as though I should share this one.
Christmas unearths a hunger for a great many things:
harmony. memories. food. traditions. possessions. and the list goes on.
Although none of these things are bad, when that alone is what we desire, we are sure to come up short and aching and still searching for something more.

I pray that this Christmas, the harmony and memories and gifts will be a great blessing, but I pray that even more than that, you will hunger for and be satisfied with the very Person...the very Essence of all that we desire and all that we are, which is God Himself.

blessed. loved.
tiffany

walk down memory lane: day 1

I have some lovely memories of Christmas, but I have some painful memories that if I am not careful, can quickly overshadow the lovely ones.

A big part of my healing has come through acknowledging my pain rather than burying it. In the process of acknowledging it, I have learned to hold it up to the light of Scripture to hear the truth that God has to speak in response. God, in His infinite faithfulness, has always met me there, many times in places I would have never expected.

The link at the bottom will take you to one of my first posts written.
As I walked with God through the lineage of Jesus, I was astounded by the mess I found.
I would have never expected that a list of hard to pronounce names of who begat who, would speak truth to my pain and shed light on the tapestry that God was weaving since the beginning of time.

Few things magnify the mess of life like holidays--especially Christmas so

what better time to share the mess of the lineage of our Beloved Savior than at now, at Christmas time.

As you read, I pray that the truth of God would meet you there and that He would speak truth to your pain, shed light upon your path and remind you that there is purpose for your story.

Thank you for joining me on this journey...

what's is in a [woman's] name: part 1

redeemed.
tiffany

365 days ago

I love birthdays.
I love to celebrate life--the gift of life, love, health and God's favor granted yet another year.
Birthdays are a day to step back for a moment and walk down memory lane.
Sometimes the memories bring smiles and other times the memories bring pain.
2007 was a hard year.
I was eager to shout 'Happy New Year!', kiss my husband, throw confetti and pray for an easier year to come in 2008.

Sometimes birthdays can stress me out though, because I want them to be so special and so perfect that I get myself so worked up over it that I don't even enjoy the day and I find myself thinking, "I just can't wait 'til it's over..." 


You see, today is a birthday that I have anticipated very much.
It is not my birthday, although it is awfully close, but rather the birthday of this humble little writing space that I call 'fettered heart'.
It was one year ago today that with anxious fingers and an open slate, I made my first blog post.

As I look back on where I have come, I have to chuckle a bit.
I used to check my stats all the time, count my followers one by one and think grand thoughts of where this humble little space was going to take me.

Now, a year later, with less than thirty people committed to reading (that I know of anyway), I have to smile at who God has shown Himself to be.

I have not gained followers, but I have grown in understanding of what it means to follow.
Truly follow.
I don't have a lot of visits per day,
but the amount of times that God thinks of me is immeasurable (Psalm 139).
I have wrestled with God,
shared Scripture,
and encouraged you as God has encouraged me.

Never did I think that God would minister to me through this blog, but that is exactly what He has done.
I am no more 'famous' or known because of this little space,
but my heart has been drawn closer to the heart of my King
and that my friends, is so much more than I could have ever dreamed of just one year ago.

Happy Birthday fettered heart and thank you Jesus for your faithfulness to me in every area of life, including this little space on the world wide web.

celebrate!
tiffany

**through out this week, I will be re-posting some of my favorite blog posts, posts that still speak truth to my heart. I pray that you will be blessed as you walk down memory lane with me through this next week.
Be blessed dear friends.

forgiven.

As you know, I write as I walk this journey of life with God and others.
As God speaks truth to me, I long to share that truth with others as a way of processing and digesting the life giving and life saving morsels that He graciously gives to me.
This small place, my little corner of the world wide web, is that place.
Perhaps someday it will turn into a book or into income for a growing family, but that is all beside the point.
It is a platform by which I share the encouragement and truth that has been shared with me.
Thank you for joining me in my journey.
I pray that you too will take truth that you receive and pass it forward, not for my glory, but for the blessing and redemption of those hearts that need hope and for the glory of the Giver of all good things.

This morning I awoke with the sun and my heart was drawn to His.
He met there and spoke truth to my heart.

'Put on then, as God's chosen ones,

holy and beloved,

compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience,

bearing with one another and,

if one has complaint against another, forgiving each other;

as the Lord has forgiven you, so you must also forgive.

And above all these put on love,

which binds everything together in perfect harmony.

And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts,

to which indeed you were called in one body.

And be thankful.'

Colossians 3:12-15

God has chosen you to be His Beloved.

As a result, He is making you holy.

Compassion, kindness, humility, meekness and patience...

            Wear them like a garment.

            Desire them like choice clothing. 

            Allow them to define you,

            for these are the garments of the Chosen.

Forgive, because you have been forgiven. 

Must. 

This is not a suggestion, but rather a command. 

However, before the command came the example: you have been forgiven. 

This is critical, because only those forgiven can forgive. 

Only those that understand the great magnitude of their own need for forgiveness can truly forgive. 

Forgiveness is not about another deserving it, in fact it is not about the other person at all. 

God forgave you before you realized that you needed it. 

Had God waited for His creation to see their need for forgiveness and do what needed to be done in order to deserve it, His creation would have never been redeemed.

Forgiveness is about personal peace for there is no peace without it.

Forgiveness is about personal freedom for there is no freedom without it. 

Freedom from the bondage of bitterness. The pain of self pity. The weight of victimization. 

Lay them down before the God that has forgiven you.

Experience forgiveness.

And as a result, your heart will be inclined to go, and do likewise. 

And the peace of Christ will rule in your heart, as you have been called to one body, and your heart will overflow with thankfulness.

The overflow will be sure to change those around you.

forgiven.

tiffany

a changing landscape

As we walked our gravel road the wind brushed my face on its way past. 

It greeted me with a chilly hello and let me know that it would be staying a while. 

The dust of my road seemed somber and lonely in spite of the children that ran upon it. 

The landscape that was once lush and green, bursting with wild flowers and crop, is now brown, barren and desolate feeling. There were no fields of waving grain or flowers to decorate the table. There was just freshly plowed dirt, burned ditches and grass that was ready for its snowy white covering that would soon be there. 

As I rounded the corner back into my driveway, I looked upon my winterized garden. Once bursting with produce, almost too much for this city-girl-trying-to-be-green-thumb to handle, I had to smile at the still small voice of the Holy Spirit stirring within me.

Life is like my changing landscape. There are seasons of plenty and seasons of joy. Seasons of health and seasons of prosperity. Those seasons are peppered with very visible blessing: the wildflowers of life, the fields ripe with produce. Babies are born, marathons are run, marriages are happy, jobs are rewarding.

And then, the landscape changes. Winter blows its snowy garment upon the earth, the flowers fade, the crop is harvested and fields are prepared for the next growing season. The wind beats and blows against the house, challenging its security and trying to get in. The beauty of life is more difficult to see.

The job market plummets. Depression ravages a marriage. The diagnosis is not good. Death comes early.

It is easy to enjoy the lovely summer months. Months of flip flops and sunscreen. Rushing out the door requires nothing more than a set of keys and a pair of shoes. The days are long, the sun is bright and the flowers declare the handiwork of God. Friends and gatherings are plentiful and our skin bears a healthy glow.

As I walked my road and allowed my heart to wander in the presence of God, I missed the sunshine but knew I wouldn't appreciate it if I didn't know life without it. The beauty of the flowers would not have the meaning they do if it weren't for these barren lands void of all their beauty.

As winter comes, I prepare my garden for the cold and snow. I prune down my raspberries, cut the asparagus and lay a warm covering of straw over it all. I tuck my strawberry plants in for the winter and remind them that I will be eager to greet them when spring blows warmth across the land. That day will come, that I know, but winter must come first. For now, the covering I have made will keep them warm and preserve them for the days of bloom that lie ahead.

'For He will hide me in His shelter in the day of trouble;

He will conceal me under the cover of His tent;

He will life me high upon a rock.'

Psalm 27:5

'He will cover you with His pinions,

and under His wings you will find refuge;

His faithfulness is a shield and a buckler.

You will not fear the terror of the night,

nor the arrow that flies by day,

nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,

nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.'

Psalm 91:4-6

Through the seasons of cancer treatments, medical bills and fear of the unknown, God will spread His covering over His Beloved. 

Through the seasons of joy and the season of tears, He will cover you.

Through the seasons of plenty and the seasons of need, through the seasons of companionship and the seasons of loneliness, He will cover me like a garment. 

For everything under heaven there is a season. There is a 'time to be born and a time to die. A time to plant and a time to pluck; a time to kill and a time to heal...a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn and a time to dance..." (Ecclesiastes 3: 2-4)

As the landscape of life changes, the dancing ceases and the laughter fades, He is present. 

As the laughter rolls and the crop flourishes, He is present. 

As winter sets in bringing with it snow, wind and desolation, I pray that your eyes will set themselves upon the God of the Seasons knowing that God will deliver springtime in all its beauty and life not a moment too late nor a moment too soon. He is in the cold, biting wind of winter and He is in the warmth of the summer time sun. 

Come, take refuge. 

Allow Him to spread His garment over you as the cold of winter sets in knowing that although He will not allow the winter to pass by, 

He will keep you...

He will cover you...

He will sustain you. 

And soon, the sun will shine again, the flowers will bloom and your feet will dance. 

covered.

tiffany

turn your eyes

source: colonialchurch.org

"Blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord,

whose trust is the Lord.

He is like a tree planted by water,

that sends out its roots by the stream,

and does not fear when heat comes,

for its leaves remain green.

and is not anxious in the year of drought,

for it does not cease to bear fruit."

Jeremiah 17:7,8

As tears stained my face, my heart bowed low before the throne of an Almighty, altogether, perfectly good King. 

The only words that came were, "Please no. Please God, no." 

As the presence of God washed over me, my heart found the courage to not only say, but to believe,

"but, not our will Lord...but Thine be done." 

As the dawn broke over the wintering landscape, God's Word met me in that place. 

My head still sore and my heart still aching, 

God's Word remained. 

God remains. 

And in this place of heat, drought and fear, 

He not only promises His presence, 

but He promises nourishment...beauty...fruit. 

There is no fear because there is assurance. 

There is no anxiety because there is still evidence of God's faithful providence. 

As I strain my swollen eyes to see the face of God,

His face becomes clear as my heart echoes the song of King David,

"O God, you are my God; 

earnestly I seek you;

my soul thirsts for you;

my flesh faints for you,

as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.

So I have looked upon you in the sanctuary,

beholding your power and glory.

Because your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise you.

So I will bless you as long as I live;

in your name I will lift up my hands." (Psalm 63:1-4)

"Come Child. Take refuge. Come, hide. 

Allow me to spread My peace over you like a blanket.

Allow my faithfulness to sustain you.

Remember, I am the Alpha and the Omega...

everything that was, is and yet to be

begins and ends with Me. 

I remain. " 

peace.

tiffany 

peace, refuge

by request...

I know what you're thinking--
"TWO POSTS IN ONE WEEK?! The sky has officially fallen and pigs have officially flown!" 
I know you are thinking that because truthfully I am thinking that too, but this blog post is by request.
So here it goes....

I don't know what I am so hesitant about. It's as though I have throngs of followers or something, when in reality, there really are very few, but this is a step none the less.

Nearly two months ago, the pastor of our church called and asked if I would step into the pulpit and speak when he would be gone. I hesitated, feeling as though the pulpit is not really the place for women (*gasp* yes, I just said that and yes, overall I do believe that, at least filling the role as 'Pastor'. Before you go pelting me with tomatoes for my view, set it aside, for that is a can of worms for another time and another place.) 

My husband and I prayed about it and talked it through with our pastor, who really affirmed the fact that he was not asking me to take Pastoral leadership of our church, but rather giving me an opportunity to use two gifts that God has given me--teaching and public speaking. As the youth coordinator of our church, he felt it important to give our congregation the opportunity to hear from me, just as their kids do on a regular basis.

With knots in my stomach, I complied.
Don't get me wrong, public speaking and teaching are my 'GO' buttons, as my husband likes to call them. It is as though I turn on when I am in front of a crowd, especially when I am teaching about something I love or teaching God's Word. My husband is right, there are very few things I love more.

In 2010 I went to Columbus, OH for a huge (3000+) week long youth conference. While lunching with an old friend that I happened to bump into (isn't God good?) I come to find out that she was actually playing a large part in the actual conference. As our lunch was coming to a close, she asked if I would consider speaking that night at the prayer rally before the closing session. Without hesitation, I agreed.
There I stood, with only hours of notice, speaking to 1500+ people and enjoying every moment of it.

But this was different. This was my church... people I knew, people I respected...people I had a lot to learn from, what could I possibly have to teach them?? I agonized over the possible reactions. I had dreams of being late and missing it completely. I dreamt that as soon as I started talking, half got up and left while the other half turned and started talking really loudly to those around them. I had another dream that the little microphone I needed to wear kept falling off and squealing, piercing the ears within earshot.
Ugh. The anticipation just about killed me.

Saturday was a long day and I just longed for Sunday afternoon.
Soon enough, the time came. I climbed the stairs when it was my turn and felt the eyes of the 250 people in attendance that morning staring at me. It almost seemed as though everyone was holding their breath in anticipation of those first few words. I had questioned my message a hundred times that morning, but surrendered that before the Lord, knowing it was too late to turn back now.

It started slowly. I spoke out of the book of Esther. I spent the first several minutes recapping the story, stumbling over my words and trying to touch the points of the story that I would refer to later on in the message. My mind raced, my tongue strained to keep up. I walked up and down the stage, making eye contact with the hundreds of eyes that watched me intently, taking in the words that were spoken and digesting the Truth being shared.

As I started in on the message, my tongue loosed, my blood pressure went down and I settled into my role as teacher, even if only for a brief time.

It is humbling to know that God uses ignorant, untrained people such as myself to speak His Truth (Acts 4:13). I was so blessed by the overwhelming response I received when I was done, in spite of my backwards ending. Just yet another tangible evidence that God is faithful and He specializes in using those that are simply willing to be used.

I have been asked to post it and share the message. Feel free to do with it as you like. If you listen, I pray that your heart will be encouraged and that my initial nervous tone does not distract you.
If not, be blessed dear friend and thank you for taking this time to read.

"Available, Firm and Faithful"
http://itunes.apple.com/us/podcast/id389220689?i=103796335

blessed.

tiffany

72 days

It's all over the news.
I can't open my home page without seeing the latest development in the Kardashian/Humphries drama.
The latest article was all about the buzz swirling around the 20 karat rock that is on her left hand.
Turns out that a diamond the size of a drawer knob doesn't guarantee a 'happily ever after'...
I have never seen even a small part of the Kardashian show nor do I have any desire to do so.
I know nothing more than what was on the cover of the magazines that lined the grocery aisles regarding the over the top, multi million dollar wedding event. I do know that she wore three different wedding gowns, all designed by big name people, and more than fifteen million dollars worth of diamonds over the course of her wedding day.
All for seventy two days of wedded matrimony.

"But the fruit of the Spirit is

love, joy, peace,

patience, kindness,

goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,

self control;

against such things there is no law." 

Galatians 5:22,23

I love this. 

The byproduct of walking with God is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self control. 

These things are not the byproduct of financial prosperity, intellectual achievement, mass popularity, good health or a pretty face. 

The blessing of joy and peace, love and faith, gentleness and goodness, patience and self control can be mine if I will just abide in Him...walk with Him...dwell with Him. 

I may never have a wedding ring the size of a door knob or earn the PhD that I so badly want, 

but truthfully, that is just stuff of earth. 

When those things are what my heart is set upon, then there will be nothing but disappointment and failure in my future simply because stuff of earth does not satisfy. Millions of dollars or millions of followers does not bring peace or contentment. 

BUT, when I walk intimately with my God, the Giver of All Good Things, the Creator and Sustainer of all that is, all that has been and all that will be, love and joy will be mine in abundance. 

May you walk with God today. 

May the desire of your heart be completely fulfilled within the Person of Jesus Christ. 

May you abide in His presence, experience His peace and claim His redemption. 

I pray for reconciliation where healing is needed. 

I pray for joy where there is sorrow.

I pray for peace to overshadow fear. 

I pray for faithfulness where apostasy resides.

May His goodness, like a fetter, bind your wandering heart to Thee. 

May the fruit of the Spirit be the fruit that flows from your life today. 

Bless you dear friends. 

tiffany  

part II

I first want to say thanks to all of you that read my previous post and joined me in fervent prayer for our dear friend undergoing surgery for a brain tumor. What a privilege and blessing it is to know that God is an ever present help in time of trouble!

Join me in praising God....
A surgery that was supposed to last nearly six hours only took a little more than two.
He woke up with very little aftermath from a very major brain surgery.
He was up and walking within a days time as well as joking with those around him.
The surgeon is confident they retrieved at least 95% of the tumor.
He was discharged and home a day earlier than expected.

I had the great joy of seeing him and visiting with them yesterday and what a blessing it was!
Had the outcome been different, God would have still be faithful and altogether good.
I am thankful however, that He has chosen this outcome rather than something else at this time.
Please join me in praying for continued healing and continued honor to God through all of this.

Praise the Lord!
tiffany

no such thing as a stranger

The last day of the 'Edwas Family Vacation'
Badlands Ministries, Medora, ND
August 2011

Several weeks ago one of our closest friends decided to talk to a doctor about a couple of vision related spells he had had over the last year. They were nothing he was concerned about, but thought it was better to be safe than sorry, as the old adage goes.
That appointment was on a Tuesday.
The doctor, wanting to cover all bases, ordered an MRI for Wednesday afternoon.
By the close of the day on Wednesday, we sat in a circle on the floor of their living with them and another couple, held hands and prayed for peace and protection as they deal with the reality and repercussions of a brain abnormality, later diagnosed to be a brain tumor.
He is thirty seven years old, husband to one amazing woman and father to two fabulous kids.
That was about four weeks ago.

Today...in eight minutes actually...he will go under the knife as the skilled hands of a neurosurgeon takes on the challenge of removing all or part of this tumor that has taken residence in the left side of his brain. From there, they will biopsy the mass and determine what exactly this intrusive growth is.

If ever there was a moment when it seemed as though time stood still, this would be it.
This is one of those moments in life that my heart crawls back to the promises painted all over Scripture reminding us of the greatness, grandor and all consuming nature of the God that has created and continues to sustain all that has been, all that is and all that will be.

Every day of our fleeting existence was authored before our lungs ever expanded or our eyes ever took in light. What is a surprise to us, is not to God.

As my sweet friend said to me yesterday, "as humans we are strangers to others, but in the Body of Christ, there is no such thing. The idea of 'stranger' does not exist among the Body of Believers."

That is why I am coming to you today.
I do not share their journey out of pity or out of charity, but out of a love for the Body of Christ,
and a belief in the power of prayer.
Please, please, pray for my sweet friend Jeff and his faithful wife Roxanne as they walk this road and trust in the God that has already gone before them.
Please pray that the lives of those involved medically would be changed, challenged and encouraged by the presence of God in and through this.
Please pray that our eyes would behold the faithfulness and the beauty of God even in the face of something so awful as cancer.
Please join me in praising God for His faithfulness and ever abiding presence and that it is not dependant upon our recognition or understanding of it.
God is faithful!!!

prayerful.
tiffany

three women

I stood in the second row of our large sanctuary and bowed my head as I listened to our congregation sing the closing hymn. Tears flowed down my face as my heart sat silently before the throne of my holy and loving God. I replayed the conversations of the week in my head as I wrestled with the temporary nature of this brief existence on Earth.

Three women...
three women that are more like sisters than friends...
three women with three stories...
three women that my heart loves...
three women that love Jesus and want nothing more than to glorify Him through their time on earth.

One woman just said her last good byes to her dad as she buried him on Friday.
One woman is taking life in stride as she hears the words 'tumor' and 'biopsy' and 'brain surgery' as they relate to her thirty-seven year old groom and best friend and father of her two young children.
And yet another woman, making an unplanned flight to the East Coast to stay by her brother's side as he lives his final days. She encourages his wife and his sixteen year old daughter who is praying Daddy doesn't die on her birthday today.
Three friends. Three lives. Three stories.
Three women holding fast to God's faithful promises and His abiding presence.

'Your eyes saw my unformed body

and all the days ordained for me

were written in Your Book before even one of them came to be.'

Psalm 139:16

'"For the mountains may depart

and the hills be removed,

but my steadfast love shall not depart from you,

and my covenant of peace shall not be removed,"

says the Lord who has compassion on you.'

Isaiah 54:10

This life is nothing more than a vapor. 

We watch people like the Kardashian's or the Jolie-Pitt's living opulent lives full of glamor and exotic experiences, but when all is said and done, our lives will be shown for what they really are and only the eternal will remain (1 Corinthians 3:12-15).

Nothing will last. 

Steve Jobs took no Apple shares with him. 

Kim Kardashian's multi-million dollar ring is nothing more than shiny rock confined to a dusty planet. 

The long black limos and the designer clothes, the corporate ladder and the Ivy League schools...it's all just stuff of Earth. Nothing has the power to save other than the name of Jesus Christ (1 Corinthians 1:18). 

For 'what does it profit a man, if he gains the whole world and yet loses his soul?' (Mark 8:36) 

My friends...before your head hits your pillow...before you turn out the light...make things right. 

Don't rest another moment until you are in right relationship with God and others. 

The last conversation I had with my brother is one that I will regret forever. 

Don't make the same mistake. 

Turn off the TV. 

Log off of Facebook.

Love your children. Apologize to your spouse. Seek peace with your parents...neighbors...friends...foes. 

Use the breath in your lungs to breathe a word of thanks for the life you have lived, the privileges you have had and the people that love you. 

But most of all, make things right with God if you have not done so. 

God's Word says, "The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 6:23) .

The truth is this: we are not guaranteed heaven. As humans, we want to believe that every person that has ever lived a 'good' life is spending eternity in heaven. This is far from truth. God's Word clearly states that we must first acknowledge that we are in need of a Savior (Romans 3:23) and that we must confess this (Romans 10:9) before Him. When we do, He will be faithful to forgive us and deliver us from them (1 John 1:9). 

We are not guaranteed heaven in and of ourselves, but we are guaranteed heaven when we call upon His name. 

Three women...

Three stories...

Three opportunities to see God faithfully at work in the lives of those that love Him. 

I don't know whose story will be next...perhaps it will be yours...perhaps it will be mine, 
but take heart in knowing that every day of your life is so firmly held in His hand. 

It is just up to you how you will choose to live them. 

blessings.

tiffany 

a paintbrush and praise

paiting the dreaded door and window trim in our bedroom 

my sweet friend and Godson celebrating his first birthday

This week has brought birthdays, death, epiphanies (two to be exact) and medical results.

Our sweet Godson turns one today! We celebrated his birthday last Saturday and thanked God for this little life. He was a much awaited and much prayed for baby for years before his conception. We thank God for his life and his family and we are exctied to see what God has in store for this sweet boy and his lovely parents.

One of my dearest friends lost her dad early Monday morning to a heart attack. In many ways, I still feel as though we are little girls and are very much in need of our moms and dads. My heart has hurt for her all week and wish there wasn't 1400 miles separating us. His untimely death has uncovered a lot of the hurt that still lingers from my brother's untimely death at the young age of 28. Following on the heels of Ted's death is that of 56 year old Apple CEO Steve Jobs, the 11th wealthiest man in the world and a technical genius and visionary. Death does not discriminate...the young, the old, the rich, the poor, the brilliant and the inept, those with children that still need them and those that don't. We all have an appointment with God that we will not be late for, but it is possible to be ready for it. As we seek to live life in right relationship with God and others, death will bring pain but not regret.
If only we would live everyday like it is our last because some day, we will be absolutely right.

My marriage has been tested and thanks to the grace that God gives, we will stand the test until death separates us. As I was walking with God by the light of the moon and praying for my marriage, my husband and my children, I had an epiphany. The result? We have taken the week off of school and I have taken the initiative to do things that I have expected my husband to do for me. The result? A blessed man and an awakened desire to finish strong (the house reno that is) .

Yesterday, the kids all had dental appointments. We spent three and a half hours in the waiting room yesterday morning while they each went one by one. Are you ready for this? There was not a single fight, whine or poor attitude. Even my four year old played wonderfully. We got a full day of school done, books read and played make believe. Oddly enough, we really enjoyed our time together in the dentist office and were blessed by the staff's amazement over such great kids.

We have dear friends struggling with health issues and sweet youth group kids that are waging war on the home front. As I see the hurt, uncertainty and unfairness of life all around me this week, I can't help but see it all against the unbelievable back drop of God's faithfulness. There are more questions than answers but there will never be more pain than healing, loss than blessing or evil than good. The truth is, God's unmerited favor is lavished upon us as a sinful and underserving creation so abundantly that we only need to open our eyes and claim it as our own. As we journey through life on this blue planet, we are not at home, this is not our final stop in this journey of life. There is pain and there is joy. There is unfairness and undeserved blessing. There is death and there is life. But, in the midst of it all, there is hope and as long as you have breath in your body and blood in your veins, there is hope.
For those of us that have called upon His name, there is hope beyond that as well.

May His face shine upon you and be gracious to you. 

May your heart hold dear that which is eternal and hold loosely that which is fleeting. 

May you look to Him--the Author and Perfector of our faith, 

the Alpha and Omega, 

the Beginning and the End, 

the Creator and Sustainer of all that has been, all that is and all that will be. 

He offers redemption from the pit and hope for the future. 

To Him be all glory, and honor and power forever and ever. 

Amen. 

blessed weekending.
tiffany

together

We have come a long way together.
together. I love that word. 


I remember the first time he called me his girlfriend.
We were both lying in the dirt, peering up into the engine of his beloved Bronco II, watching the transmission fluid pour out after a particularly challenging and exhilarating hill climb in the Blue Hills.

I remember the first kiss.
Too sacred to describe.
A moment I will hold onto forever. A moment we still talk about.

I remember the first time he held my hand.
I still laugh at the memory of our engagement...an anxious 19 year old boy on his knee waiting for his stammering girlfriend to accept his proposal in front of an entire wait staff of a restaurant.

I remember not knowing what the future held, but not caring.
I remember feeling young, but knowing I was loved completely and knowing that was all that mattered.
That, and God was faithful.
And the three of us, we were in this together. 


Through the births of our children,
the deaths of loved ones,
the bounced checks and student loans,
the exciting days and the every days,
the sweat and the tears,
the milestones and the mundane.
We are in it together. 
And nothing but death will change that.

How blessed I am.
tiffany

i'm blessed

it has caught up with me.
in a way, I knew that it would...or figured it would anyway and it finally has.
my self pity and lousy attitude has taken it's toll on my family and marriage.
I could go on and list all the reasons--the perfectly good and justifiable reasons--as to why I have wallowed in the slime of self pity, entitlement and resentment. Or I could just say thank you.

Last night as I walked with God under the multitude of stars, all of which He knows by name, I cried out my tears of regret and longed for a do-over. Unfortunately, this life doesn't afford do-overs, but it does afford move-forwards, for which I am deeply grateful.

As the still, small voice of my faithful and gracous God spoke truth to my heart, I knew that healing would only come through gratitude. The only way to mend what I have broken, repair what I have damaged and re-claim what I have forfeited is to allow gratitude to consume to me and cover me like a garment. Rather than point out my disappointment, I will spell out my blessing. Rather than focus on the irritation, I will thank God for the opportunity to love and be loved. even when I am not deserving of it.

So today...this first Monday of the month of October, the month of ghosts and goblins and everything dark, I will thank God for the heavenly host, the quiet of my soul and the power light has over darkness. I will choose light...I will choose gratitude...I will choose to acknowledge my blessing rather than curse the inconvenience. I will thank God for the journey rather than complain about having yet to reach the destination.

I will dwell with those I love most and do my best to make them feel loved, rather than obsess over being loved, knowing that it is only through loving others that my soul will be filled with love.
I am blessed.
tiffany

This is me, joining my friend Gretchen over at He Sows She Sews in her fabulous Monday morning 'I'm Blessed' posts. What better way to start the week?!

thankful

pumpkin harvest with WarneyPa and Grama Harriet

 a ripe chestnut ready for the picking

lighting and releasing the 'sky lantern'

explaining the 'rules' of frog racing

My husband and I realized that we have had bonfires with friends every night since last Friday with the exception of Monday night. Some have been at our home, some not, but all with good friends, family and usually a large amount of calories to be consumed.
Have I mentioned that we love fall?
We have been harvesting pumpkins, playing on hay bales, riding on hay wagons and racing frogs.
We have had a good week of school and have really enjoyed this lovely and warm fall weather. I think the kids are ready for colder temps though because it is as though I have to make them go outside which I don't really understand. Once outside of course they are happy to be there, but I think they are ready to hunker down and enjoy some inside time.
Well, my kids are awake now and are requesting a Mother's attention, so considering that I am the only mother on premises, I had better run.
This week I am thankful for...

~24 hour cough and cold medicine

~Apologia Science

~kids that love to read

~the smell of bonfire

~a perfectly roasted marshmallow and a perfectly simmered cup of cider

~dead mosquitos

~a good photograph

~a good conversation

~a good board game

~bed time

~family joined by marriage but connected in love

~my senior high kids

May gratitude and sweetness fill your heart and be the byproduct of your speech, life and love.

thankful.

tiffany 

a harvest of righteousness

Dog and I enjoying an early morning stroll

'For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist,

there will be disorder and every vile practice.

But the wisdom from above 

is first pure,

then peacable,

gentle,

open to reason,

full of good mercy and good fruit,

impartial and sincere. 

And a 

harvest of righteousness 

is sown in peace

by those who make peace.'

James 3:16-18

I look out the window as the large tires beat the pavement in front of my home. The noise is almost deafening. The tractors, combines and semi-trucks heavy with harvest roll by frequently as the farmers are setting about their work harvesting the crops they have planted and cultivated all season. 

Having many friends that are farm wives, I am astounded by the amount of faith they have and they trust the Lord completely as they sow their seeds and pray for a healthy crop. 

As I think about my life, from it's cold beginning that Christmas morning back in '81 to the final minutes sometime in my future, I pray that my life will be frutiful. Truthfully, I think every living person has a similar desire, whether saved by grace or feverishly toiling in the strength of their own humanity. Even those locked behind bars that are considered violent menaces to society, deep down wished things had been different, that their lives would have been marked by peace and fruitfulness rather than pain and violence. I say this because we have all been created in the image of God--who is in Himself the very essence of all that is pure, right, peaceful, sincere, impartial, merciful, gentle and open to reason. The only thing separating me from all that God is and all that the Enemy wants me to be is what I do with the message of Jesus Christ and the grace the He died to freely offer. 

That difference will determine everything in the end. 

It will not matter that I didn't climb the corporate ladder or drive a flashy car with all the extras. 

It will not matter if I have a Ph.D or a GED. 

We will all have an end and we will all meet our Maker face to face.

We will all have a harvest to show from this time on earth, 

but whether or not it will be a harvest of peace and righteousness 

or a harvest of selfish ambition and evil practice

is entirely up to us. 

I pray that you will have the heart to seek God's face

and that together we will sow the seeds of life in righteousness

as we wait patiently for God to cultivate and grow a crop that is worthy to present to our King. 

Blessings to you. 

Tiffany 

train.

'Rather train yourself for Godliness;

for while physical training is of some value,

Godliness is of value in every way, 

as it holds promise 

for the present life

and for the life to come.'

1 Timonthy 4:7b, 8

Three years ago, my husband and I were in training for our first half marathon. 

For some, 13 miles is nothing, but for this tired mother of four, 13 miles might as well have been clear across the state of Minnesota. But, I felt like nothing in the world could hold me back. 

After laying flat on my back for sixteen weeks, taking medication around the clock and doing enough Sudoku puzzles to last a lifetime, I had shed my baby fat and felt as though there was no race too great and no challenge too hard, that I could not face it, race it and defeat it. 

Until....

I met my match. 

J retrieving a clue during our 10 hour adventure race

5th overall with a time of 10hrs and 13 minutes...

In many ways, this race caught me...us...off guard. 

I was the one that saw the e-mail about this race. I called my husband over and as he read over my shoulder he shook his head and dismissed it as another one of my crazy ideas. I pulled him back, spun myself around and looked him straight in the face--"Babe, we can do this. We can do this!" 

After some twisting, we signed up and continued training as we had been. 

Every time we thought of our upcoming 10-hour adventure race, we would shutter with excitement. 

Looking back, I am not sure there was anything that could have prepared us for the intesity of this race. The mud was thick and deep, the climbs were high, the roads were heavy with sand and the miles were intense. As we zig zagged across the rugged landscape and made our way in between potato trucks heavy with harvest, I cursed the wind that blew gusts in my face and pushed me backwards while my body strained to go forward. The canoe paddles offered relief to our exhausted legs, but soon gave way to aching arms as we raced to keep a good pace and finish strong. 

I cried the entire last leg of the race--all seven miles, as I peddaled into the wind and prayed for God to hold the gusts for just a few more minutes. He didn't grant my request, but He did grant strength to finish the race that was set before me. That was a moment that I will never forget. 

As I read this verse this morning with my kids as part of our Bible time, I couldn't keep myself from writing it on a note card and tacking it to the fridge. 

I love to train. 

I love the excitement of a race that is coming. 

I love the challenge of pushing myself to new heights all the while encouraging my kids to join in the action. 

The idea of training myself in godliness? Wow. 

As I have chewed on this intense truth all day long, the beauty of this verse has captivated my heart. 

Everything I can do is so temporary. 

I ran 13 miles two and a half weeks ago, but due to a strained tendon in my left knee, I couldn't run 13 miles today. 

Everything here is so temporary. 

houses. cars. money. muscle tone. hair color. 

And yet, often the temporary is what rules the eternal.
It is easy to put all of my energy into the temporary--cleaning the house, building up my miles...
and I neglect the eternal--time with God...time with my husband and kids....

We give God and righteousness very little thought. 

We regard the Bible as little more than a good book of history with some great stories and some good principles. 

We regard the everlasting covenant of "'Til Death Us Do Part" as something that is negotiable should our hearts lead us elsewhere. 

In some ways, there are aspects of life that are hard to know how to train for. 

When a child is diagnosed with cancer. 

When a husband leaves his family. 

When a wife cheats.

When the job is cut. the bills are late. the diagnosis is grim. 

But at the same time, God's Word still prods us onward....

'Train yourself for godliness...for it is of value in every way, as it holds promise for the present life and for the life to come.' 

Train myself in faithfulness so when my heart is tempted to wander, His quiet voice will call me back.

Train myself in faith so when the phone call comes, my peace will not be shaken.

Train myself in obedience so when I feel the desire to rebel, His rod and staff will guide me back. 

Train myself in kindness and humility, so when those slimy words roll off my tongue, His conviction will cause me to apologize. 

As I walk with Him, I am learning that He is training me in Godliness. 

I have no idea what this race I am running has in store for me or whether or not He will calm the winds when they torment me in my hour of weakness, but I do know that He will give me the strength I need to finish the race that is set before me. As I train myself in godliness, His faithful and ever abiding love will sustain me as I run this race with integrity giving Him glory in all things. 

run hard. 

finish well. 

train in Godliness. 

tiffany 

weekly gratitude

"Look Mom--this one has kernels!!" 

The weather has taken a crisp turn and the leaves are turning as well.
The days end sooner and for some reason, crawling into bed a bit earlier just seems to be a good fit. We have been simmering cider and baking apple crisp. The frost covers the ground in the early mornings and the air has an extra sweet smell to it.
Fall is the best time of year.

This has been a really nice week.
August was wicked busy so September has been a nice change of pace. We have settled into a lovely school routine and our Wednesday night church activities have begun as well. Our weekends have been unspoken for which has presented fabulous opportunities for trailer rides around our property, impromptu hikes through the fall foilage at the local state park and bonfires under the stars.
Soon, the snow will fall, the wind will howl and by Feburary I will be looking for job and house listings in the southerly part of our nation. But for now, I am thankful for the life that God has given me and I will choose gratitude even though there is a blizzard on the horizon...

This week my heart is full of gratitude for a great number of reasons. It is hard to choose just a few, but I will do my best so as not to bore you stiff (you're welcome).

~cars that are paid for

~cars that start (most of the time ;) 

~an early morning call from my dad telling me how proud he is and how much he loves me

~Citrus Wassail--the best cider ever

~the ability and the desire to homeschool our children

~a garden that is now no more than a fresh plot of black dirt

~dead skunks

~new friends that come for dinner and stay until late

~old friends that come when the house is a mess and my hair is greasy

~the ability to speak, see, move and breathe

~the words please and thank you and i love you when spoken from the mouths of my Littles

wishing you much joy and much gratitude,

tiffany 

weekly gratitude

3 generations of runners

WOOHOO for 13.2 completed miles!!

"My sis-tos have clothes for their dollies Mama, Georgey needs some clothes too..."

fall. it's the most wonderful time of the year. 

the first frost.
lovely now. talk to me in January. 

This week has been interesting. At this time last week, I was getting ready for bed and eager to pound some pavement for 13.2 miles. Pound we did! My two oldest girls, Elena and Hannah, ran with my dad. I am so proud of my dad. He quit smoking after my brother was killed. He had smoked for 35 years. Like many people do, he had put on a few pounds. He called me perplexed: "Tif, I have tried everything and I have not lost a pound. What do I do?!" I laughed. "Dad....you gotta run. That's the only thing that worked for me. Get your shoes out and get your heart rate up. It'll work Dad." He laughed.
Since then, he has run 3 5K's and has put on more miles than he has in his entire life combined I am certain. I always get choked up when we hear that starting shot. We run together for the first two miles until our courses split. I am so proud of my dad.

We had another week of school and I am loving it more than ever. I am thankful that this is the road God has blessed me to walk and I pray that I will continue to follow in obedience.

One of our dearest friends had a major health concern come up this week. In the midst of the pain and uncertainty, we sat in their living room and talked, reminisced, asked questions and held hands in prayer. The tears flowed. Together we claimed God's faithfulness in all things. It was beautiful.

AWANA started and with it brings the craziness of mid-week running, but it also brings the fellowship of great friends and time together in God's Word for every age.

Thursday we spent the night as a family in a beautiful state park near our home. We enjoyed a long hike and did stick fighting. One child laughed so hard she peed in her pants. It was fabulous. The air is crisp, the leaves are starting to change. The bugs are dead. It was fabulous.

It's Friday now and an unclaimed weekend is before me. A week of tears and laughter, running and rest are behind me. I am looking forward to another beautiful fall day and will do my best to savor every minute as though it was my last.

I am abundantly thankful for...

~bags of apples given by my sweet neighbor

~long showers with no one opening the door saying, "Mama, are you all done yet?" 

~sweat and tears

~a text message that makes me laugh so hard I have tears in my eyes

~a thank you note thanking me for friendship

~our dinner group on Wednesday nights

~Great Grandma

~scented candles

~my sisters in law

~early morning walks when the world is still asleep

~dead mosquitos

~prayer to a living God

happy weekending!

tiffany