just stop talking.

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts,

neither are your ways my ways,

declares the Lord.

For as the heavens are higher than the earth,

so are my ways higher than your ways

and my thoughts than your thoughts.'

Isaiah 55:8,9

It wasn't until my brother died that I really understood how it felt to be on the receiving end of well intentioned and 'comforting' words.
The things that would come out of people's mouths would astound me as they would fumble around to make sense out of grief and try to console me with some sort of poorly thought through line that went something along the lines of, "God didn't really mean for him to die this young...." or "heaven needed another angel..." Really?
Just stop talking please.
I know this is not my typical writing style and you are getting a little more of a taste of me personally (for those of you that may not get that normally) but this has been circling through my brain all day and I sense the Spirit prodding me to share.
So....as real and raw as this may sound, I will share.

As we walk earth, we humans feel as though we need to make sense of all that is.
Everything on earth and everything that happens on this temporary planet should have an explanation, or so we think.
So, we grasp at straws and as ridiculous as they may sound, we conjure up some type of explanation just for the sake of having an explanation.
Some of the most educated people believe that the amazing biomechanical piece of machinery we call the human body is the result of millions of years of spontaneous generation and evolution.
Apparently they have never studied the intricacies of the human eye.
But I guess at least they have an 'explanation'.

But even more than the origin of the Earth, I believe death and is the biggest mystery of all.
We struggle to make sense of it.
We search feverishly for ways to avoid it.
We fear it. We dread it. We try and try to explain it.
As I have walked this road, I am learning one thing: God is a mystery.
His Word uncovers pieces of His character and as we walk through life and He reveals Himself to us time and time again, but it is only small parts at a time.
There are many things I don't know but there are a few things that I do...

1.) God is not a needy God. He doesn't 'need' people in Heaven. Heaven is a perfect place that lacks no good thing and therefore can not lack a person or it wouldn't be the perfection that you and I long for (Psalm 68:33, Isa 37:16).

2.) God is not caught off guard. The things of life that shake us and surprise us and break us do not shake Him or surprise Him or break Him. For He is unshaken and all knowing. He is the Alpha and the Omega--He is in the yesterdays, He is the nows and He is in the tomorrows. He is already there. Nothing God does is in error--He is altogether perfectly good and incapable of error as we know it as humans.
(Isa 45:18, Isa 51:6, Revelation 1:8, 22:13)

3.) His ways are not our ways.
Simply put--no one will ever understand why babies pass away...why mothers with babies die in child birth or anytime thereafter...why much loved daddies die after long battles with cancer and three small children left at home with a young wife. Is God cruel? Some may say yes, but truthfully, the love that He has for us is immeasurable and unfathomable (Isa 55:9). All the days of our lives were written before we were ever in existence on this temporary planet (Psalm 139). The truth is, we may never understand what God's purpose was in doing what He has done but there will come a day when we are face to face with our God and Creator, the One who holds all things together, and it will be then that He will make known the mysteries of His way and His will (1 Corinthians 13:12).
What we can be sure of is that the Bible says that our present sufferings cannot compare to the all surpassing glory that He has in store for us (Romans 8:18) and that He has great plans for us, plans for our blessing and plans of hope (Jeremiah 29:11).
Stop talking (Eccl 5:2).
Stop trying to console those grieving with some lofty and non-sensical theological statement.
Often, just sitting quietly and letting them know that you really don't know what it's like and you really don't understand why God does things the way He does but that your heart is broken too is what is needed most.
And chances are, to someone grieving, that is all they need to hear.

tiffany

an invitation

Editors Note:

Forgive me for my blog of silence as of late. 

I do intend on finishing my Letter to Learn From series of Philemon, but for now I must take you on a small rabbit trail. 

I have been invited to share God’s Word this coming weekend at the Renew and Refresh Women’s Retreat. I have never shared back to back messages before, so my head is full as I prepare for this great honor of sharing God’s Word in such a setting. 

I am so excited about what He is teaching me that I must share a bit of it with you this morning. I pray that it will encourage your soul the way it has encouraged mine. 

Be blessed dear friend and thank you for the compliment of your time as you read.

BWCA, August 2009

“Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked,

not stands in the way of sinners,

nor sits in the seats of scoffers;

but his delight is in the law of the Lord,

and on His law he meditates day and night.

He is like a tree planted by streams of water

that yields fruit in its season,

and its leaf does not wither.

In all the he does, he prospers.”

Psalm 1:1-3

Blessed.

Favored. Benefited. Covered. Prospered. 

First, we must see is that sin is gradual. 

First, a man walks in the counsel of the wicked. 

The people you associate with at work. Initially, it is just banter at work. Listening to their interactions. Laughing at the obscenities. Not turning your ear away from the gossip or slander or crude language. 

Nor stands in the way of sinners. 

Eventually, you’re being invited to hang out Friday nights. 

Then Saturdays too. 

You are finding yourself enjoying the company....desiring the company....savoring the acceptance. 

There is a sense of freedom almost.

So sick of trying to be ‘good’ all the time, these new found friendships free you from all of that. It is nothing overtly wrong...just a little good natured fun with people not ‘hung up on trying to follow a list church rules’.

As time passes, church attendance diminishes, these friendships replace those of the Sunday school friends. 

The call of the bottle is loud, drowning out any sense of conviction...or at least trying to. 

The pull of the party lures your soul away from the presence of God. 

The taste of recklessness is on your tongue bringing with it a burning desire for more. 

You are seated now. 

Sin has taken root, given birth to sin and is now bringing forth death (James 1). 

Death of integrity. 

Death of relationships. 

Death of peace. 

No one wakes up one day and says, 

“Yesterday I loved my wife, today I despise her. I am going to fulfill my needs in another.” 

It is a slow fade. One miscommunication at a time. One selfish deed at a time. 

Before you know it, the man you stood in front of and promised your undivided love to is not the same man you’re laughing with at work...you’re thinking about on your way home...you’re confiding in on lunch breaks. 

How do we avoid this? 

This is the part I love! 

David writes:

‘BUT his delight is on the Law of the Lord 

and on this law he meditates day and night.’ (v2)

First, this is not the law as you and I think about law. 

A list of rules and regulations. 

A pious rule book meant to break you down, control your life and remind you that you will never quite hit the mark. 

No, no. Not this law. 

The word Law that David uses here is actually referring to the covenant that God made with Moses. 

A promise of peace, protection and favor. 

This ‘law’ is actually the unmerited covenant that is set to remind His undeserving creation that God alone is our covering, our Redeemer and the One that goes before us and blesses us with every spiritual blessing in the heavenly realms (Ephesians 1). 

This covenant promised God’s faithful covering over His people...

but

we must dwell within it. 

God will never force His way upon us. 

He invites us to take shelter beneath the covering of His wings. 

Does He have ‘rules’? Sure He does. 

Just as a Mama has rules for her child, 

so does our Savior and Protector have rules for us to live by. 

Rules to protect. Rules to preserve. Rules to bless.

The result?

You will be ‘like a tree, planted by streams of water that yields fruit in its season, and its leaf does not wither. In all that he does, he prospers.’ (v3)

A stream of water. 

Unchanging. 

Unaffected by the heat by day or the cold by night. 

Constant. 

As we live with the intention of reading, memorizing, following and longing for the Truth of God’s Word, it will become to us the nourishment and the fulfillment that we so badly crave. It will become to us what a stream of water is to the lush foliage that it sustains. 

God’s Word--His Law--His covenant of protection, blessing and peace--

is unchanging. unwavering. unaffected.

by the faithlessness of others.

disease. tragedy. adultery. idolatry. ignorance. recession. 

God’s Word remains

and so can you. 

As you find your nourishment, your strength, your identity, your hope, your peace, your value, your direction,

in the Word of God,

life can--and will--continue to happen around you,

but you will not be shaken 

because you will be like a 

tree

planted by 

streams of water. 

The sun may strike by day.

The cold may linger through the night. 

But your leaves will not wither. 

Your life will continue to bear fruit. 

God will sustain you. bless you. protect you. love you. 

He is constant. 

His Word is unchanging. 

His covenant of love is unshakable. 

Do not allow the ever changing landscape of life define who you are,

determine your self worth, 

or be your promise of peace. 

You are sure to come up longing for more and

aching for something certain. 

Come. 

Join me at the river. 

Together, let’s taste and see

that the Lord is good. 

His steadfast love endures forever. 

invited.

tiffany

the promise of hope

As the weekend progressed, so did the lower abdominal cramping. 

At one point, while leaning against the counter, I turned to my husband and said, "It feels as though the baby is dropping..." This is something that usually happens days before delivery--except that I was only halfway through my pregnancy. 

He suggested I lay down, get off my feet and try to relax a bit. It definitely helped, but by Tuesday I felt it best to pay a visit to my doctor. 

I see a specialist due to other conditions I have, and naturally he is an extremely busy man. 

As I sat in the exam room waiting for him to pop in and give me instructions, I listened to the activity in the hallway just beyond my door. 

The woman being admitted to the hospital and in need of emergency surgery. 

The excited mother about to have her baby. 

The more I listened, the more I realized how foolish it was for me to be there. 

"Really, this is my fourth baby. I am sure everything is fine. I have three other babies at home for heaven's sake--no wonder I'm tired and crampy!" 

With that I got up and started to put on my coat. No need to occupy his time with an overly careful mom-to-be-for-the-fourth-time. 

As I was getting ready to leave, he entered and looked at me in surprise. 

He talked me into staying for a quick check, and within minutes I was being admitted to the hospital in full blown labor. 

I was twenty weeks along. 

As the gravity of the situation settled in, I realized that the possibility of my baby dying was very high. 

I was quickly dilating and labor was progressing rapidly. My body was having this baby and the baby was not viable of life. My baby was going to die. 

As they started intense IV meds to try to halt the labor progress, the doctors and nurses contemplated the next move knowing that whatever it was was going to be critical and there was no margin for error. 

That evening, with my husband at home with my three year old, two year old and one year old, I lay there awake, afraid and angry. 

We had to wait for test results and further monitoring to decide what our next step would be. My labor was still progressing, but it had slowed thanks for the IV meds I was on. 

As the evening turned to night, 

I scoured through God's Word looking for something to hold onto. 

I needed a story about a mother that just about lost her baby, but didn't. 

I needed a guarantee that my baby was going to survive. 

The heavens remained silent. 

I slammed my Bible shut and raised a fist toward the heavens. 

"Meet me in this darkness!" I demanded. 

"I am crying out and you remain silent! 

I am searching for you and you remain hidden!

Meet me here, I beg of you!" 

I wept now. 

All the tears that my anger had held back, poured from my eyes and soaked my hospital gown. 

With resigned hopes, I opened my Bible one last time. 

The pages fell open to Hebrews chapter 10, a chapter I was unfamiliar with. 

My heavy eyes scanned the words and they fell upon the word hope. 

I stopped. 

"Let us hold fast to the confession of our hope

without wavering,

for He who promised is 

faithful." 

Hebrews 10:23

"My sweet daughter,

I will not guarantee you any earthly thing

but the one thing you need I will guarantee--

the promise of hope

because 

I

am

faithful. 

I am faithful in life

and I am faithful in death. 

I am faithful in sickness 

and I am faithful in health. 

I am faithful in prosperity 

and I am faithful in need. 

I am faithful when you recognize my hand at work

and I am faithful when you don't. 

I am faithful when others are faithful

and I am faithful when humans fail. 

I 

am

faithful. 

My daughter, 

that is all the promise you need. 

Find rest in my faithfulness."

That day was five years ago today.

My son is beautiful and sweet and healthy and smart. 

He loves Jesus. 

God is faithful not because my story ended the way that I had desperately prayed.

God is faithful not because I 'deserved' his favor. 

God is faithful because that is who God is. 

God sees the whole picture when we only see a distorted piece. 

Six weeks later my brother was killed. 

Had I not walked through the fire six weeks prior and wrestled with the person of God,

his death would have swallowed me alive. 

In life. In death. In sickness. In health. In joy. In sorrow. 

God is faithful. 

Hold onto that promise of hope without wavering. 

Let that promise of hope hold onto you. 

Because He who promised is faithful. 

<><

tce

a letter to learn from: refresh

"For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother,

because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you."

Philemon 7

When I am on my deathbed--wherever and whenever that may be--I highly doubt I am going to be thinking about the clean floor in my kitchen or that promotion I was working towards. I will not be wishing I had organized that hall closet after all or had lost those additional ten pounds. Nah, by that point those things will be in their proper places--perhaps the place they should have always been. 

This is how I strive to live every day--with the end in mind. 

It is not that I think about death all the time, but I do spend my days praying that I will think more about life and what life really means. 

I love Paul's words to Philemon, I especially love the word refresh. 

Who doesn't long for refreshment? 

A fresh wind. A nudge of encouragement. A nap on the beach. 

It is in the times of refreshment that we draw the strength to keep our heads in the game and keep on running hard after God. After our marriages. After our children. 

Philemon 7 is what I hope and pray will be said of me. 

When my end comes, 

when my appointed time to trade the flesh of earth for my celestial body finally arrives, 

I pray that those whose paths have crossed my own will stand beside my grave and say,

"My heart was refreshed through Tiffany. Christ in Tiffany spoke encouragement and value to my soul. I will go and do the same." 

As the quiet of the morning gives way to the busyness of the day ahead, I am praying that you will seize the opportunity to love well. 

I pray that I will not hold back. 

I pray that we will seek not our own needs, but rather to meet the needs of others and to refresh the hearts of the saints living and breathing alongside us.
I pray that wherever I go and whatever I do, I will leave the fragrance of Christ lingering in my path. 

The Spirit of God does not encourage us for our own benefit. 

He does not show you mercy so you can hoard it. 

I have not been forgiven so I can go free. 

No, no. 

I have been encouraged so that I too may go and encourage. 

I have been shown mercy so that I may go and do likewise. 

I have been forgiven so that I may forgive. 

We have been refreshed so that we too, can go and refresh. 

Share the living water with those that are parched and withering. 

May it be said of you, may it be said of me, 

"The hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." 

refresh.

tiffany 

a letter to learn from: effective

"...and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective

for the full knowledge of every good thing

that is in us for the sake of Christ." 

Philemon 6

As I begin to break a sweat I avert my eyes away from the white paper taped to the wall in front of me. 

I quote them back, checking my wording to make sure that I got the verses right. 

John 15. 

The words of my Savior. 

My heart longs to know them. Not just remember John 15 as a good passage, but to know the words. Hide them in the most private recesses of my heart. Love them. Live them. Remember them. 

Jesus is standing in a vineyard. 

He is creating a beautiful and powerful word picture using the very vines that He created. 

"Abide in Me and I in you. Just as the branch cannot bear fruit by itself, neither can you unless you abide in Me. I am the Vine and you are the branches. Whoever abides in Me and in him, he it is that bears much fruit, for apart from me you can do nothing." John 15: 4, 5

As I read the words of Paul to Philemon, I can't help but pray that someone is praying this way for me. 

There is nothing I want more in life than to be effective. 

I pray that I will love well. 

I pray that I will live well. 

I don't want to be effective in a career goal or some sort of academic achievement. 

I don't want to settle for financial effectiveness or human recognition. 

No, no. At the end of the day, that means little. 

I pray that the sharing of my faith with those I know as well as those that I don't, will be effective for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in me--for the glory and honor of God. 

Every good thing in me is there because Christ has mercy on me. 

Every breath I take, every light beam to enter and illuminate my eye, the ability to read, write, process and articulate--all of this is because He has willed it so. For this moment. 

Everything I am. 

Everything I will become. 

Is from Him. 

The prayer of my life today and tomorrow and the days I have left on this earth is that when people are with me, they will experience Jesus and be drawn to Him. Not because of me...but because of Christ in me. 

That is effectiveness. 

I want that. 

For the sake of Christ. 

effective. 

tiffany