perfectly imperfect

I am not fashionable. I absolutely love following a girlfriend's blog that is all about fashion. She's super cute and always has been. Sure, I have a few horrid pictures of her and I dating back to our 7th grade choir tour, but who doesn't have an 'ugly' phase? She finds the deals, has the 'eye' for a great match, and isn't too much of a coward to rock the funky trends. I rock the pony tail, the sweatshirt and the denim from two years ago. I could use being a mom as an excuse, but truthfully, even when I am away from my kids, I am a lost cause. 


I am not a decorator. One of my closest friends has an interior decorator for a mother. Not fair I say. Did I mention that she paints too? Doubly unfair. I still dominate the college dorm room theme in my home. That's right, I have a bean bag chair in my living room....


I am not computer savvy, I am a blogger and I am competitive. These three do not mesh well. Checking out all these great blogs written by these witty men and women about all these great things, complete with pictures, give aways, catchy phrases and great endings, leaves me feeling a bit insecure. I was just thrilled when the standard template was something kind of cute and my seventh requested user name wasn't already spoken for. 


I must say that I do OK in the kitchen. I love to create, taste and experiment. There are moments that I take great pride in the final product, but I have to admit that my creativity only goes so far. It seems as though my budget plays a part in that as well. Discovering great shops like Trader Joe's and the Golden Fig (a bit pricey, but a great source of inspiration) has helped that, but finding the time to stop and browse is a bit elusive as well. 


In a way, it seems as though I can never win. There will always be someone prettier, faster or smarter. There will always be that person that just has it all together complete with the cute house, clothes, kids and car. There will always be something to learn from other writing styles or parenting techniques. There will always be something left to clean or someone that is more organized. The leisure things like scrap booking, reading and running seem to be more and more difficult to squeeze in, while sleep becomes less and less a priority. And yet, in spite of my toil, I still fail to arrive. At the end of the day I am still not computer savvy, organized, fashionable or on top of it. Rather, I am tired and some days, a bit defeated. It is at times like this that I go back to the truth of God's Word and claim it for myself. I grab onto those promises and call them my own. They breathe life back into my weary spirit and turn my eyes back to where my hope is found.


I will never be who I 'want' to be in a sense. There will always be flaws and shortcomings. I am an imperfect person wandering through a fallen world. My soul is eternal. Everything that surrounds me, taunts me and tempts me is mortal. God hasn't called me to be any more than He has created me to be: a woman whose heart is hungry for His presence. For when I am hungry, I will be satisfied. 
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"Blessed are those that hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they shall be satisfied." 
~Jesus Christ in Matthew 5:6


"Therefore, do not be anxious, saying, 'what shall we eat?' or 'what shall we drink?' or 'what shall we wear?' For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." 
~Jesus Christ in Matthew 6:31-33


'For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth.'
~King David in Psalm 139: 13-15


'Jesus said to her, "Everyone who drinks of this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks of the water that I will give him will never be thirsty again. The water that I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up into eternal life." '
~Jesus Christ in John 4:13,14


'As the deer pants for flowing streams, so pants my soul for you, O God. My soul thirsts for God, for the Living God. When shall I come and appear before God?' 
~King David in Psalm 42:1,2