a letter to learn from: gratitude

"I thank my God always when I remember you in my prayers, 

because I hear of your love and of the faith

that you have towards the Lord Jesus and all the saints,

and I pray that the sharing of your faith may become effective

for the full knowledge of every good thing that is in us for the sake of Christ.

For I have derived much joy and comfort from your love, my brother,

because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you." 

~Apostle Paul to Philemon

Philemon 4-7

For the three and a half years before we were married my husband and I were long distance dating. One year we were TX to MN, the second year we were country to country--Honduras, C.A. to the US, the third year were TX to MN again. During this time, we spent a lot of time writing, both e-mail and hand written letters. I still have every one. 

I have printed the e-mails and put them in a three ring binder. About once a year, we derive much joy and laughter as we sit and flip through these love letters from these young kids who knew one thing and one thing only--they were crazy about each other. I smile as I look at this man and see the newest 'smile lines' and the few extra pounds and I realize that I love him more now than I did the day I used to spritz perfume on the letters and seal them with a kiss. 

Finding an old letter or note of encouragement is like finding $20 in your coat pocket from last winter. 

For me, the book of Philemon is that. 

I am excited to jump into Paul's head as the Spirit penned this letter through human fingers. I pray that as you join me, you will find the Spirit of encouragement and challenge and they will impact your heart. 

Paul is opening this letter with a deep expression of his gratitude. He is setting the stage for the main body and ultimate purpose for the letter, but it is critical that he start with gratitude. 

This is not to 'butter' Philemon up or to flatter him for the sake of manipulation, but rather for the purpose of recognizing the grace of God that is already actively at work through Philemon and to encourage his heart by acknowledging the fact that it is having an impact beyond what Philemon may even recognize. 

Too often we go through life admiring people for the example of faith or integrity they are, but rarely express that to them. While there is another purpose in Paul's letter, he is taking a moment to express his love, admiration and gratitude for this brother in Christ. 

As I look at my marriage, I remember the confrontations well. Those moments when my husband is more aware of where he falls short in my eyes than he is of the evidences of God's grace that I see at work in his life. What a tragedy! When this is what our relationship becomes, I am akin to a Pharisee--a self righteous ruler of the Law, one that is quick to condemn and slow to be gracious. 

Now hear me, this is not to say that we turn our eyes away from hurtful or abusive behavior and call it 'grace'. That is a whole other ball game. I am speaking to those of us who live day to day with a sinner we call our spouse as we forget that we too are a sinner in need of grace. 

As we take a look at our most intimate relationships--our spouses, our children, our families--are they aware of the evidences of God's grace we see in their lives? When was the last time we told them, "I give thanks every time I pray for you?" 

As I stated, Paul had another purpose in this letter and we will see that later, but first, he is expressing gratitude and love. 

Perhaps we need to do the same. 

Take a moment away from the agenda, the productive purpose of the conversation, the home work lesson or the phone call, and express the love and appreciation you have. Tell your children how well they did at cleaning their room, obeying promptly or how they blessed you by the way they treated their sister earlier that day. 

Wives, call your husbands at work and thank them for providing. 

Thank them for the way they love you. They way they kiss you. The way they please you between the sheets. 

Husbands, tell your wife she is pretty and you desire no one other than her. 

Thank her for doing the laundry, preparing the meals, caring for the children and loving you. 

Be specific in your gratitude. 

If your parents are still alive, call them and thank them for (insert a special memory here) or for those hard life lessons you learned through their examples. Perhaps you have a tumultuous relationship with your parents--there is still something to be thankful for even if it is only for carrying you and birthing you, knowing fully well that abortion is always an 'option'. 

The point is--we are taking our focus off of the agenda or the short comings and putting it on the blessing of gratitude. 

Gratitude and the expression of it, will not only change your life but could very well change the lives of those around you. 

And I am certain that you will find that when it comes time to make your request, your request will be heard through ears aware of your love rather than through ears of resentment in need of encouragement. 

thankful.

tiffany